Wednesday, July 21, 2010

My Leopard-Print (Literally) Bluefly Closet Confession

So, Bluefly is doing some contest called Closet Confessions, where you upload a photo of the most absurdly asinine thing you own for a chance to win some Bluefly bucks. I'm not usually the type to enter contests since I'm horrible at taking photos and making videos (which is why you'll usually see neither on this site, unless it's a Blackberry photo and I'm feeling saucy). But I knew I was sitting on top of a goldmine (or shit show, depending on your vantage point), because WHO ELSE OUT THERE IS HARBORING A LEOPARD-PRINT POLYESTER JUMPSUIT?

Yes, that actually is a salmon-colored (like, if you laid a piece of lox down on top of it, it'd camouflage so perfectly that you'd only be able to find it again by the smell) polyester jumpsuit -- not a dress, as there are TWO DEFINED LEGS! -- covered in leopards. The leopards, for some reason, have comically long white whiskers. And, it's just the gift that keeps giving, as it's got WOODEN buttons, an intense collar, and a drawstring. You know -- to emphasize your waist. As if anyone's gonna notice your waist. It's so Mrs. Roper, who's always been a style icon to me, and sadly I don't mean that with a hint of irony (nor, clearly, a shred of dignity).

I got this from a since-shuttered vintage store in the East Village, probably in 2002 or so, when I lived downtown. I remember seeing it and basically hearing angels sing. I've only ("only!") worn it once, and that was to a party Cat, our old roommate Holly, and I were throwing. The last time I tried it on it appeared to have, um, ahem, "shrunk," but that doesn't mean it won't be resurrected at some point. I'm not even sure if it fits at this point, but I certainly can't part with it. A closet without a leopard-printed jumpsuit is no closet I'd want to call my own.

+ Here's my entry if you'd like to vote for me. Johnny WEIR is choosing the winner, and I love him like I love cats, and I love cats to an unhealthy degree.