Diane Von Furstenberg's Heart Pants Are Giving Me A Heart Attack

$298, Diane Von Furstenberg

Oh man oh man oh man. Oh boy. Oh dear. Oh shit. Diane Von Furstenberg's silk HEART-print "Naples" pants are so perfect that they're probably gonna give me a HEART attack.

Unsurprisingly, the "Melodie" heart top is almost totally sold out. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be praying to the gods of retails sale to KINDLY put those heart pants on sale. Have a heart, guys.

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DVF's Blue Bucket Tote = She Is Beautiful

$545, DVF.com

I've been trying to incorporate more color into my wardrobe -- specifically fuschia, burgandy, mustard, orange and aqua (duh not all at the same time). And I've been trying to get out of my kneejerk "just pair it with black" response, instead mixing khaki and camels and other neutrals with bright bolds. Who am I kidding? I'll probably just wear black and shit forever. Regardless, this beautiful Diane Von Furstenberg leather "Drew" tote in Matisse blue is the holy grail of fall blue hues. It's so beautiful, in fact, that only one song properly captures the true essence of its allure. And that song is "She Is Beautiful," and that man is Andrew W.K., obviously.

Neon Shoes Are IT

Yo. So, this Saturday I was in the Upper East Side doing GOD knows what, and I waited approximately the orbital period of Hayley's Comet for a 6 train. Despite a major case of GMTFOOH-itis, the wait was not for naught because observed at least six chicks wearing some refreshingly awesome neon shoes, which begat my own quest for summery neon and pop-colored shoes. Pair them with another bright bold for some color-blocking action, or with a neutral. LOVE a neon-neutral combo. So let's DO this:

($227, Diane Von Furstenberg, Zappos.com)

I actually wouldn't be mad at these bring orange Diane Von Furstenberg heels paired with a purple, red or bright pink top and some grey or black skinny jeans. Try it! You might like it. What's the worst that could happen? Are you trying to put your mothah in an early grave? Nu?

($140, Melissa, Karmaloop.com)

I want to say that the white cat eye stripe up the back of these Melissa wedges is the best part about them, but that's like saying the hair is the best part of Andrew Garfield, which is really just selling him short. Perfect with a peach or blush maxi dress, you know? Or a bold turquoise.

($73, Melissa, Karmaloop.com)

More cute rubbery realness from Melissa. The double buckle detail is worlds away from the jellies of my youth.

($51, Marais)

Normally I don't fucks with kitten heels due to the whole thick-stack-on-a-short-stick effect they create, but these Marais heels offset that potential disaster with a slimming ankle strap.

($34.99, ModCloth.com)

I probably couldn't sit let alone walk in these purple phenomenons, but if you can, you should.

($244, Chie Mahara, NeimanMarcus.com)

These cork and yellow leather Chie Mahara heels are beautiful enough on my tiny little computer screen. I can only imagine how lush they look IRL.

($484, Loeffler Randall)

These Loeffler Randall x Suno Erin lace-up wedges aren't really neon, but they are beautiful. I like how from afar the pattern looks like googly eyes. You don't see shoes with googly eyes nearly enough these days.

($278, Ground Zero, Shopfatal.com)

Oh HAVE MERCY. Clear vinyl neon and GREY Oxfords? With BREATHING HOLES? Can you kick it? YES WE CAN!

5 Shoes That Make Me Feel Quite Enthused About Spring

I've been wearing variations on black boots for the past, oh, eight months, and therefore I'm in need of a mayjah shoe overhaul for spring. Here are five spring shoes I'd change outfits for five times in one day.

($490, Prada, Neimanmarcus.com)

Looky how sweet these woven Prada flats are. I love how they're ballet flats but so not precious ballerina-y, you know? They almost remind me of fancy Vans. Black pants, white button-down, a couple bangles. Eee!

($90, Aldoshoes.com)

I would literally die in these. Not in the Rachel Zoe way. I would break limbs wearing these, but if were to attempt to wear wedges, I'd happily go down in these.

($335, Diane Von Furstenberg)

These Diane Von Furstenberg heels are the equivalent of a classic trench -- timeless, and they fance up almost everything. Oy. I'm thinking near-naughty thoughts about these.

($450, Jil Sander, Saksfifthavenue.com)

I am NOT a white jeans type, but I'm also not a $450 sandal type. But if I suddenly woke up tomorrow willing to both, well, I'd do both. Maybe with some kinda chambray tank? Maybe? These are kinda hard to style, but for some reason, I'm thinking denim/ chambray shirt.

(Swedish Hasbeens x H&M, available April 20)

SO psyched that Swedish Hasbeens are collaborating with H&M. Granted, maybe I don't understand how physics or whatever work because I truly don't get how these slip-ons stay on, but they'd look so effing adorable with light skinny jeans a nautical striped top.

I Dream Of Diane Von Furstenberg

($725, Diane Von Furstenberg, DVF.com)

I both dream of and die for this Diane Von Furstenberg navy sequin coat from the Diane Von Furstenberg Fall 2010 collection. Well, I die figuratively for it. Not literally. No coat is worth actually dying for. I knew I loved sequins, but I never knew I could love navy so much. I'm constantly amazing myself, aren't I? 

Diane Von Furstenberg coat

($495, Diane Von Furstenberg, Saksfifthavenue.com)

Please also note the excellence of the Axelle DVF sequined cardigan, which comes in black and navy. Normally I'd go for black sequins, but since I already own a black sequined cardigan and a black sequined t-shirt, I'd go for navy. Also, navy's apparently having a moment this fall.

Anyway, since I'm now clearly on a DVF binge, please enjoy my grown-up girl dress that I bought this summer. It's the DVF Anina khaki silk shirtdress, and it looks casual, but it's really not. It's basically a gorgeous earthy canvas that you can style approximately 17,032 different ways.

I bought my DVF Anina dress (on sale!) at Diane T., which is a really nice boutique in Cobble Hill. It's kind of like a touch on the more conservative/mainstream side than is Bird. And a hair more affordable.

Finally, I TRULY think someone should buy me this Diane Von Furstenberg leather wrap dress (!!!!). I've worked very hard this year, I've been a very good girl, and I always finish all of my broccoli before asking for dessert.

($945, Diane Von Furstenberg, NeimanMarcus.com)