Osborne's Cork Oxfords Are Making Me A Better Person

OMFG, dudes. Getting older officially SUCKS. I've been MIA from FashionBinge for a week because I for REAL haven't been able to SIT because I threw my back out, as so electrifyingly demonstrated by the stock image on the right. I can't even believe I'm old enough to be able to "throw my back out." I'll be checking the mail for my AARP, and I'll probably start eating dinner at 4:30pm. 

Anyway, my PT (who's GREAT, by the way, and if you're in the New York Area and need someone, I can't recommend Manhattan Physical Therapy and Pain Center strongly enough) suggested I not wear heels. I told him I'm too vain for sneakers, but I'm gonna try to get by in flats for a while. It's a curse because I'm 5'1" and need all of the height I can get, but a blessing because HOW CUTE are these cork flats by Osborn:

$160, Osborn, BonaDrag.com

Again, CUTE OXFORDS made of CORK! For SPRING AND SUMMER! Which means they'll match EVERY FUCKING THING I OWN, included but not limited to neon stuff (of which I own a lot). Also, hi, 20% off Bona Drag through April 15, so ride that. I'll be over here in the corner with the ice pack, hashtag frowny face.

$98, J. Crew

PS -- While a cork clutch AND cork Oxfords are WAY too matchy-wack, just know that J. Crew's cork clutch exists. Cork. It's what's for dinner.

Snowpocalypse Shopping!

My neighborhood. That MIGHT be a car in the bottom left corner.

I don't know if you heard, but New York City basically turned itself inside out after it snowed here. What? You didn't hear that it snowed in New York? Well it did. You could bury bodies in my three-foot snowbanks in my backyard. (Note: PLEASE don't.)

Anyway, here are the things I contemplated buying:

($259, Elly Clay, Stantonjames.com)

I'm really not a clutch girl myself, but if I were this zippery animal print clutch. Oh wait? There's a chain strap? Hm. Considering moving this from "maybe" to "very possibly."

($129, Aryn K, Babelfair.com)

For YEARS I avoided tie-dye for fear of any and all associations with Birkenstocks, dirty toenails, baggy corduroy pants, and the band Phish. (I will admit a BRIEF dalliance with Phish my sophomore year of high school, but in my defense, everyone was doing it, and it was short-lived. I admit that they do possess a certain level of musical proficiency, but if I wanted to listen to the sounds of a vacuum cleaner, I'd plug in my Dyson, feed it an electric violin, and lay on the couch.) Anyway, I've slowly realized that a black or grey tie-dyed garment, and not, say, a rainbow swirl, can be mysteriously cool. I really love Helmut Lang's shadowy, smoky prints. Anyway, the point is, a DARK tie-dye -- like this great asymmetrical jacket -- can be so appealing. Any combination of red, green, yellow and blue = Ben & Jerry's. Don't do that.