Shit. I Spent $500 Before Breakfast + Nelly's Vokal Tanktop

The other morning I woke up before work with a dangerous combination of YOLO mentality and the shopping shakes -- that jittery, antsiness that overtakes me when I haven't engaged in some middle-class TJ Maxx version of conspicuous consumption. It's like if you deprive yourself of sugar or carbs or Vanilla Dunkaroos -- sooner or later you're gonna just break down and faceplant, Valley Of The Dolls style, into a double-stuffed pizza pillow of your design.

Anyway, while shopping for my husband's upcoming birthday, I ended up finding one thing for him (though he is extremely difficult to shop for), and about four things for myself. So, happy early birthday to me!

The damage:

$179.10, DVF x Current Elliot, Saks.com

I've been sweating this DVF Loves Current/Elliott denim shirt dress for months. It went on sale from $398. When I bought it earlier this week, it was $238. Today it's $179, so I called for a price adjustment and Saks was great about doing that. ALWAYS do that! You're leaving money on the table, people. Don't let shame hold you back! That's $80 I can now spend on shoes instead of wisely saving it!

$42, Volcom, Zappos.com

Volcom chambray tank procured! I've been looking for one of these to pair with maxi skirts and little circle skirts. Commence summer of chambray! By the way, am I the only one who thinks of Vokal when I hear "Volcom"? You know, Nelly's erstwhile clothing company? As in when he shouts out "Vokal tanktop on at this point" in "Hot In Herre"? No? Just me?

$94, Mad Love, Karmaloop.com

Impulse buying this trippy Mad Love Lippy sweater may be the most shameful part of the entire a.m. binge. Shameful because I really feel no remorse about it at all. It either matches or is a complete and utter rip on my Wildfox lips shirt:

$15, Nissa

Picked up two Nissa rope bracelets. Because I really need two bracelets that could double as hardware store bits and bobs. By the way, Nissa always has promo codes, so get on that. Karmaloop too.

Oh hey, by the way, the Vokal site hasn't been updated since 2004 (which explains why it's all in Flash), and, according to that update, the brand expects "big things for 2005." You. Are. WELCOME.

Must be the money.

MENS SWIMWEAR, TAWK AMONGST YA'SELVES

Being that last week was the first day of... Le Summer (that's "Summer" in French)... I thought it'd be the perfect opportunity to discuss men's bathing suits. I mean, right?!

I'm a huge fan of boardshorts, and really I think it's what works best for dudes. Unless you look like this guy, you probably shouldn't be wearing a little bikini bottom. However, I've recently been introduced to this shorter, more square cut version of a boardshort and I can't say I'm mad at it. Assuming you're well groomed and have decent legs, I think guys could totally go for it.

This season Diesel really delivered, not only by offering some of the most sickning suits... they give us options in length and that's something I've never seen before. You can be on some kind of Goldilocks shit... too short, not short enough, and then jussssst riiiiight.

This Pixel print is def my fav and it comes in three sizes and three zexy color patterns (from $60-$70). They're all available at Zappos and who doesn't love Zappos? You can order all three sizes, try them on and send the ones that you don't like back!:

If you like to have a little more fun with your summer swim look, these Vans Hula Girl boardshorts ($49) in standard 22" length are really something fine. If you use "the Google" you'll easily be able to locate a shirt and beach hat from Vans in the same print... cuz if you're gonna do it... do it big.

AND THENNN... if you wanna get dope-boy-fresh and have THIS auto-play when you step out on the beach, you're going to NEED the new Keith Haring x Joyrich print boardshorts ($100). (They run a little small, I tried them on over the weekend so I recommend getting a size up.) You can hit up the fine folks at Joyrich on Melrose directly or they're also being stocked at the Patricia Field boutique in New York.

And if you're bold, have daddy issues, and LIVE for metallics... then please, take a knee while I show you this next gem. Ladies and gentlemen, but mostly just gentlemen because this post is about MENS swimwear, let me present to you MY NEW... SUMMER 2011 SWIMSUIT (Please ignore the AA "model" - I look way better in this thing):

No, I'm not joking, and YES, that's right folks - you too can look like a little Chipotle burrito (they recently switched to gold foil, FYI - smart move on their part because I eat there more now.) and you have American Apparel to thank (and me because I showed you) and at only $36 why not get the silver one too? (In case Chipotle switches back, you'll be prepared.)

Neon Shoes Are IT

Yo. So, this Saturday I was in the Upper East Side doing GOD knows what, and I waited approximately the orbital period of Hayley's Comet for a 6 train. Despite a major case of GMTFOOH-itis, the wait was not for naught because observed at least six chicks wearing some refreshingly awesome neon shoes, which begat my own quest for summery neon and pop-colored shoes. Pair them with another bright bold for some color-blocking action, or with a neutral. LOVE a neon-neutral combo. So let's DO this:

($227, Diane Von Furstenberg, Zappos.com)

I actually wouldn't be mad at these bring orange Diane Von Furstenberg heels paired with a purple, red or bright pink top and some grey or black skinny jeans. Try it! You might like it. What's the worst that could happen? Are you trying to put your mothah in an early grave? Nu?

($140, Melissa, Karmaloop.com)

I want to say that the white cat eye stripe up the back of these Melissa wedges is the best part about them, but that's like saying the hair is the best part of Andrew Garfield, which is really just selling him short. Perfect with a peach or blush maxi dress, you know? Or a bold turquoise.

($73, Melissa, Karmaloop.com)

More cute rubbery realness from Melissa. The double buckle detail is worlds away from the jellies of my youth.

($51, Marais)

Normally I don't fucks with kitten heels due to the whole thick-stack-on-a-short-stick effect they create, but these Marais heels offset that potential disaster with a slimming ankle strap.

($34.99, ModCloth.com)

I probably couldn't sit let alone walk in these purple phenomenons, but if you can, you should.

($244, Chie Mahara, NeimanMarcus.com)

These cork and yellow leather Chie Mahara heels are beautiful enough on my tiny little computer screen. I can only imagine how lush they look IRL.

($484, Loeffler Randall)

These Loeffler Randall x Suno Erin lace-up wedges aren't really neon, but they are beautiful. I like how from afar the pattern looks like googly eyes. You don't see shoes with googly eyes nearly enough these days.

($278, Ground Zero, Shopfatal.com)

Oh HAVE MERCY. Clear vinyl neon and GREY Oxfords? With BREATHING HOLES? Can you kick it? YES WE CAN!

Cute Shirt Alert: 7 For All Mankind/ Mika Ninagawa Photo-Print Flower Tee

($89, 7ForAllMankind.com)

While I'M SUPER particular about floral prints -- forecast: sometimes cute, with a high chance of OD'ing on '90s grunge-girl nostalgia -- I freaking LOVE a photo print. Especially 7 For All Mankind's small collection of Japanese photographer Mika Ninagawa's floral photos. I LOVE the bold fuschias and quick flashes of blue.

It's a LITTLE tricky to style without veering into Totally Cheesy Territory (avoid the overly obvious black pants/ black blazer combo because then the shirt's just way too loud) but I'm thinking these light-rinse Gap jeans:

($69.50, Gap)

... And (stay with me here) some nice neutral sculptural shoes like:

($210, Pour La Victoire, Zappos.com)

I can't personally do wedges, but I LOVE these Pour La Victorie grey cut-out wedges.

Anyway, love the floral photo-print lily tee. It's basically the Bjork Post album cover of shirts.

NEED, LIKE YESTERDAY: Beige Nude Heels. Now.

I CANNOT stop needing for beige heels for spring. Like so:

($80, BCBG, Zappos.com)

I love the simplicity here and the name: Cream Puff!

($83, rsvp, Zappos.com)

I have (unofficially) declared this the spring I go opentoe. But I kind of appreciate the aesthetic of an '80s-style monotone beige pump. I might make an exception for these though.

($304, Michael Kors, Zappos.com)

However, I'd absolutely make an exception for these excellent deconstructed beige and orange-toed heels. I mean, LOOK AT THEM.

($710, Vionnet, Net-a-porter.com)

These Vionnet beige leather heels are the Natalie Portman of footwear -- just plain perfect to look at, and also very expensive looking.

($476, Givenchy, Farfetch.com)

Clearly Givenchy's footwear design team has broken into my home, installed a secret camera in my bedroom, attached invisible electrodes to it, and monitored me sleeping to have created the shoe of my dreams. Obviously.