MENS SWIMWEAR, TAWK AMONGST YA'SELVES

Being that last week was the first day of... Le Summer (that's "Summer" in French)... I thought it'd be the perfect opportunity to discuss men's bathing suits. I mean, right?!

I'm a huge fan of boardshorts, and really I think it's what works best for dudes. Unless you look like this guy, you probably shouldn't be wearing a little bikini bottom. However, I've recently been introduced to this shorter, more square cut version of a boardshort and I can't say I'm mad at it. Assuming you're well groomed and have decent legs, I think guys could totally go for it.

This season Diesel really delivered, not only by offering some of the most sickning suits... they give us options in length and that's something I've never seen before. You can be on some kind of Goldilocks shit... too short, not short enough, and then jussssst riiiiight.

This Pixel print is def my fav and it comes in three sizes and three zexy color patterns (from $60-$70). They're all available at Zappos and who doesn't love Zappos? You can order all three sizes, try them on and send the ones that you don't like back!:

If you like to have a little more fun with your summer swim look, these Vans Hula Girl boardshorts ($49) in standard 22" length are really something fine. If you use "the Google" you'll easily be able to locate a shirt and beach hat from Vans in the same print... cuz if you're gonna do it... do it big.

AND THENNN... if you wanna get dope-boy-fresh and have THIS auto-play when you step out on the beach, you're going to NEED the new Keith Haring x Joyrich print boardshorts ($100). (They run a little small, I tried them on over the weekend so I recommend getting a size up.) You can hit up the fine folks at Joyrich on Melrose directly or they're also being stocked at the Patricia Field boutique in New York.

And if you're bold, have daddy issues, and LIVE for metallics... then please, take a knee while I show you this next gem. Ladies and gentlemen, but mostly just gentlemen because this post is about MENS swimwear, let me present to you MY NEW... SUMMER 2011 SWIMSUIT (Please ignore the AA "model" - I look way better in this thing):

No, I'm not joking, and YES, that's right folks - you too can look like a little Chipotle burrito (they recently switched to gold foil, FYI - smart move on their part because I eat there more now.) and you have American Apparel to thank (and me because I showed you) and at only $36 why not get the silver one too? (In case Chipotle switches back, you'll be prepared.)

FINALLY! A BATHING SUIT WITH A HORSE ON IT!

($385, We Are Handsome, Net-a-Porter.com)

If you've been reading FashionBinge for at least a minute, you might know I have a "thing" about horses. I never rode horses, and I probably wouldn't, actually, as I'm almost as afraid of heights, speed, and falling (and with horseback riding comes the likelihood of all three) as I am those terrible sublimated dyed shirts. I certainly never owned a horse either. But I'm inexplicably drawn to miniature horses, horse accessories, and a well-timed, unforeseen appearance by a horse on an unsuspecting garment like a swimsuit. I mean COME ON. When did you last see a horse on a swimsuit, hm??

Besides the $385 price tag, the only bad thing I can possibly think of to say about this horse bathing suit by Australian brand We Are Handsome (the brand's name alone is killing me loudly), is that it'd probably make every other un-be-horsed article of clothing I own jealous not to have a horse gallantly galloping across it.

Nobody Does A Bikini Better Than Mara Hoffman

($170, Mara Hoffman, Shopbop.com)

I need a bikini like I need... I don't know. A pair of pink Uggs or something. I will probably never see the water this summer, which I'll be spending under the fluorescent lights of my office. Just like I spent the past 10 summers! But if I were in the market for a bikini, nobody does it better than Mara Hoffman. Right, Carly Simon? Baby you're the best.