Banana Republic's Black Velvet Dress: All I Want For The Third Night Of Chanukkah

$98, Banana Republic
(Gifted by Banana Republic)

Something's happening. Something's different. I feel like Tony in "West Side Story" when he first meets Maria, only hopefully with a far less tragic ending. Basically, I've fallen in love with VELVET. My most hated, feared and loathed fabric, the one my parents warned me against. Banana Republic's black velvet sheath dress, from their excellent holiday collection, is the ONLY velvet dress I've ever loved. It may look kinda "meh"-ish on the hanger, but this thing comes ALIVE on the female form. It fits ABSOLUTELY perfectly -- forgiving in the places that need forgiveness, and snug enough in the places that call for snuggling. It's so versatile that I've worn it at least three times already this month, to a holiday party with black tights and my Charlotte Russe Miu Miu-"inspired" glitter heels, an evening event with burnt sienna tights and turquoise booties (MUCH cuter than it sounds) and a TV taping with Wolford Hero bondage tights, which were a generous gift from Tightsplease and belong on a wall because they're a work of fucking art.) You can also do that kinda '90s grunge-girl thing, but in a cleaner way. (Like, no slouchy knit hat, por favor!)




I've always kinda rolled my eyes at the hole "little black dress" cliche, but NOW THAT I'VE FOUND LOVE, I'm a believer, I want to spend the rest of my life with it.

I already got my own beloved velvet dress for Chanukkah (thank you, Banana Republic!), so get your own at 40% off with promo code BRSALE.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna slip it on and go attend the "rumble," then slip outside for my balcony scene.

Velvet! Say it loud and there's music playing! Say it soft, and it's almost like praying!

+ Chanukkah Gift Guide Day 1: Charles Jourdan taupe heels from Ideeli! 
+ Chanukkah Gift Guide Day 2: Dr Martens black leather satchel!

I Bought It Files: Drapey Dress

Check this out, for an evening wedding. Looks like it will hide a multitude (and by that I mean several months' worth) of sins, no?

Rachel Rachel Roy "Martini With A Twist" Dress, $36.74 on supah-sale.

An additional 25% off Rachel Rachel Roy sale, guys! Hop to it!

This Naven Dress Is Truly Truly Truly Outrageous

($1150, Naven, Shopnaven.com)

Granted, the $1150 price tag is also truly truly truly outrageous, I love that this Naven dress is part Jem, part Chrysler Building.

This Betsey Johnson Prom Dress The Symbolic Manifestation Of The Prom Scene In Grease

($498, Betsey Johnson, Modcloth.com)

I love this Betsey Johnson prom dress, and I love that Modcloth (whom I love unconditionally) refers to it as a sugary confection, because that's exactly what it is. It's SO "Those Magic Changes." Speaking of which, Sha-Na-Na's gold two-piece suits and zip-up boots are LIKE TO DIE.

It Happened At Topshop!

SHARK ATTACK AT TOPSHOP! Not a real shark, of course, but I was all "OMFG! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE when I saw what could only charitably be referred to as a "schmatte," to use the Yiddish colloquialism. This hyperbolically long graffiti-print maxi dress basically looks like someone stitched a bath sheet together and called it a dress.

It's actually from Topshop's Unique Spring 2010 collection, and while the maxi dress is batshit, I am kinda sad I missed the boat on this nesh shark wrap dress. Oh well. You snooze you lose.

Eee! An Adorable Shoe Named After A Kitten!

What's cuter than this cut-out batik print Oxford Boxing Kitten/ Osborn collaboration? That's a Brooklyn designer mash-up BTW!

($180, Boxing Kitten)

Only this kitten wearing a hat:

(Via BeautyBloggingJunkie and Courtney John)

Boxing Kitten and Osborn's limited-edition "Cheeky" shoe (only 50 pairs were made, and each pair is numbered) is made from 100% recycled tires. The kitten is made of miracles.

And PS: Check out Boxing Kitten's Tam Tam batik sweetheart party dress, which I like to think was subconsciously inspired by and named after me:

($315, Atomic Kitten)

PPS: Also, what's not to love about Osborn's Mayan print boots:

($130, Osborn. shoposborndesign.com)

I could see myself living in these for about 14 months straight.

Why Aren't I Wearing: This Vintage Frank Usher Dress?

POWER DRESSING JACKPOT! The description of this bonkersly rad 1980s dress basically parallels everything I want my life to be. (I've bolded the most attractive parts to emphasize how much they relate to everything I love and strive for.)

(Apprx $240 USD, Frank Usher, Freudianslipvintage.com)

An incredible vintage 1980's Frank Usher beaded cocktail gown, with substantial shoulder pads. Literally dripping with beading, bold silver sequins and bugle beads are encrusted across the shoulders and cuffs, and in a zig zag band across the front and back bodice. The dress is in black silk chiffon, with a sheer panel across the top of the bodice. The remainder of the dress is sprinkled throughout with sparkling black bugle beads. An exceptional dress for the party season, and in a really wearable size!

The extent to which I'm considering buying this is troubling me.

+ SWEET 1980s Frank Usher top on eBay. Remember the name "Frank Usher" and save it your eBay searches AHORA.

What Are You Wearing New Year's, New Year's Eve?

If only I were wearing this Malene Birger LBD. Those aren't feathers. They're LEATHERS. Ya rly.

($381, Malene Birgin, Shoplesnouvelles.com)

Devastatingly handsome.

All I Want For Christmas Is This Marchesa Dress

But there's no way that this black and gold Marchesa work of art -- referred to more commonly as a "dress" -- will ever be mine because

a.) I don't even celebrate Christmas...

b.) Even when it was marked down from $4,830 to $1,449, that's still a no-go, and

Meanwhile,

c.) I was tardy to the party and it's sold out. Because it's from waaaay back in 2008, if you can even remember that far back to when your favorite fashion plate and mine, Miley Cyrus, wore it to the 2008 American Music Awards.

I guess I'll "let" Miley have this one... and pray she holds a big-ass garage sale or something. I'm not proud.