Miu Miu's Glitter Ankle Boots Are The Most Important Shoes Ever

Seriously, when was the last time a shoe was as crucial as Miu Miu's glitter ankle booties and criss-cross ankle boots? How can ONE shoe be SO important? They're stunning and stuntin'. Elton John-legit with a sickness. Marc Bolan-bonkers.Yellow glitter AND mint green suede? WHO COMES UP WITH THIS SHIT? Miu Miu, that's who!

Yes, I'm aware that these Miu Mius are becoming as ubiquitous as Lady Gaga or iPads, but I still DGAF.I'm no fashion reverse-snob contrarian. I don't care if every woman in this entire country turned into a redundant army of Miu Miu-shoe-wearing sherpas. I'd slip them on and catch a grenade for them.

Of course, at almost $900, I'm either gonna have to develop kleptomania and a pair of steely balls or just commit to distant admiration.

$890, Miu Miu, Net-a-Porter.com

$890, Miu Miu, Net-a-Porter.com

$890, Miu Miu, Nordstrom

PS: Sorry for going AWOL! I was in LA for the VMAs, where I mainlined Starbucks and didn't leave LA Live for a WHOLE WEEK. Tears!

FINALLY! A BATHING SUIT WITH A HORSE ON IT!

($385, We Are Handsome, Net-a-Porter.com)

If you've been reading FashionBinge for at least a minute, you might know I have a "thing" about horses. I never rode horses, and I probably wouldn't, actually, as I'm almost as afraid of heights, speed, and falling (and with horseback riding comes the likelihood of all three) as I am those terrible sublimated dyed shirts. I certainly never owned a horse either. But I'm inexplicably drawn to miniature horses, horse accessories, and a well-timed, unforeseen appearance by a horse on an unsuspecting garment like a swimsuit. I mean COME ON. When did you last see a horse on a swimsuit, hm??

Besides the $385 price tag, the only bad thing I can possibly think of to say about this horse bathing suit by Australian brand We Are Handsome (the brand's name alone is killing me loudly), is that it'd probably make every other un-be-horsed article of clothing I own jealous not to have a horse gallantly galloping across it.

These Miu Miu's Metal Pumps Be Cray Cray

(Miu, Miu, Holt Renfrew)

The suede lilac verison of Miu Miu's Fall/ Winter 2010 metal floral heels are crazy good.

The black ones? A little crazy uh-oh/ slutty pilgrim.

($990, Miu Miu, Net-a-porter.com)

Prada's Cavallino Bowler Is Doing Wild Things To My Head

I don't know who I think I am, but apparently I'm the kind of person who somehow, suddenly looks at Prada bags. Generally I write off Prada bags a.) because I can't afford them, DUHR, and b.) because I associate them with those terrible nylon black backpacks which are just the worst. But somehow I'm all into the idea of Prada's leopard-print Cavallino bowler.

($3,100, Prada, NeimanMarcus.com)

Great, right? Too bad I enjoy "eating," and "having an apartment" and "not being wildly in debt."

Anyway, my obnoxious Prada leopard-print bag fantasies inspired a major animal-print binge, which netted the following:

($585, Hammitt, Searlenyc.com)

Studs with animal print can be a leeeettle cowboy, but this bag by LA brand Hammitt still kinda works.

($745, Stella McCartney, Net-a-porter.com)

The elusive zebra-colored leopard print! Score!

($564, Opening Ceremony, Asos.com)

Opening Ceremony! Why are you so good to us? (And also, why are you so expensive?)

($158, Sam Edelman, Nordstrom)

Sam Edelman's Katrice wedge FTW! So '70s it's sick!

($80, Topshop)

I love an adventurous outfit, but have these leopard-print harem pants crossed the line from adventurous to crazy? Like Real Housewives table-flipping levels of nuts? Also, as much as I wanna make harem pants "work," I'm becoming increasingly convinced that they barely even look good on models whose body types are "pencil."

($36, Walmart)

Finally, this IS FashionBinge, where we do love a good deal, so far it be from me to leave you without something affordable. I mean, this Walmart leopard-print bag isn't the absolute worst. I'd carry it to the gym. Seriously, just tell people it's vintage deadstock, and they'll be all "ooh!"

Heaven Is This Temperley London Studded Leather Jacket

If I had a one-day pass to heaven, I'm pretty sure this Temperely London Ava grey studded leather jacket would greet me at the pearly gates. For truly, something this gorgeous must've been heaven-sent.

($2150, Temperley London, Net-a-porter.com)

+ Video that encompasses the feelings I'm feeling for this jacket: "You Got It All" by The Jets.

The Jets - You Got It All @ Yahoo! Video

AVERT YOUR EYES: Versace Block Color Python Bag

I believe it was either Pete Seeger or King Solomon in the epic romantic thriller, Ecclesiastes, who said "there is a time to color block and a time to refrain from blocking color." Clearly Versace did not heed that advice. I present to you... this nasty shit:

Look, I LOVE "a lot," but this is just way too much of a lot. Get it at Net-a-porter.com. If you are a crazy person. (Via Purseblog.com)

NEED, LIKE YESTERDAY: Beige Nude Heels. Now.

I CANNOT stop needing for beige heels for spring. Like so:

($80, BCBG, Zappos.com)

I love the simplicity here and the name: Cream Puff!

($83, rsvp, Zappos.com)

I have (unofficially) declared this the spring I go opentoe. But I kind of appreciate the aesthetic of an '80s-style monotone beige pump. I might make an exception for these though.

($304, Michael Kors, Zappos.com)

However, I'd absolutely make an exception for these excellent deconstructed beige and orange-toed heels. I mean, LOOK AT THEM.

($710, Vionnet, Net-a-porter.com)

These Vionnet beige leather heels are the Natalie Portman of footwear -- just plain perfect to look at, and also very expensive looking.

($476, Givenchy, Farfetch.com)

Clearly Givenchy's footwear design team has broken into my home, installed a secret camera in my bedroom, attached invisible electrodes to it, and monitored me sleeping to have created the shoe of my dreams. Obviously.

Why Aren't I Wearing: These Two-Tone Fergie 'Amplify' Heels

I will full-on admit that I like Fergie. Well, I have a soft spot for her. She fully embraces her trannydom, she's always workin' on her fitness, she can do a cartwheel and sing at the same time, she once peed her pants in public and was like 'whatevs,' and her hair is usually fun.

Therefore, I'm NOT at all ashamed to be having thoughts about Fergie's "Amplify" heels. They're bold and transrageous, just like their namesake.

($59.99, Fergie, Piperlime.com)

($250, Current Elliott, Net-a-porter.com)

I'd wear them with these Current Elliott medium wash skinny jeans (if I owned them).