State Of The Shoe-ion Address... Or: WHY I HAVE FOUR TOTALLY DISSIMILAR BUT TOTALLY AFFORDABLE PAIRS OF SHOES ON MY LIVING ROOM FLOOR

You guys. I'm a simple woman with simple needs: quite simply, I need a LOT of shoes. Fortunately, I don't have expensive taste in shoes. They just have to be cute and possibly even a little absurd. As you can imagine, this has manifested itself in a problem that enjoys overwhelming volume but an alarming lack of consistency: since I rarely spend over $100 on a pair of shoes (a lot of my shoes are barely $50), I've amassed a huge shoe collection that makes about as much sense as your typical Lady Gaga video -- fun to look at it, but let's not kid ourselves. Like the "Born This Way" video, if you looked at my entire shoe collection, you'd leave like "well, that was kinda cool to look at for a few minutes but... I don't get it. Which is how I found myself in my living room tonight, surrounded by the four pairs of totally dissimilar shoes featured above.

Let's go from left to right.

1.) ASOS Superstar Tapestry Heels ($78.57): Dudes. These are FLORAL TAPESTRY heels with A GOLD STUDDED TOE. It's the mullet of shoes. Party in the toe... business in the back? Eh? Anyway, they're increds. Except I DO call bullshit since they were on sale when I bought them and now they're mysteriously not on sale. Ahhhh capitalism, you crazy scoundrel you!

2.) Jeffrey Campbell Downtown booties (no longer available): I bought these on a trip to Need Supply when I was visiting my sister in Richmond last year. Real quick: hat tip to Need Supply. They're like an indie Urban Outfitters, except they don't steal people's designs. Anyway, they were on sale for $49 from $130. That's called usin' your noodle. OH, and they're SO comfortable. I walked about a MILE out of my way lost en route to a VH1 taping yesterday, so I learned this the hard way. (The hard way that comes from not giving a shit about reading maps!) Seriously, these shoes are like crack. Or Pinkberry. Straight men fall out of their cubicles to ask me about them. My only regret is not buying the orange ones when I had the chance. Man, hindsight. She's such the little fucker!

3.) Matisse Nugent booties ($193) : The nice people who do Matisse's PR reached out and sent me these, and the second I opened the box and took in the holy sight that is their Nugent bootie, this was pretty much my reaction:




Like Cup Stacking Girl, I too achieved something great! SHOE NIRVANA (shirvana?) These booties aren't just ANIMAL print. They're DALMATIAN print. (Not real dalmatians, obviously! They're IMITATION DALMATIAN. From the NATION of faux DALMATIAN.) And they're so perfectly '70s Marc Bolan shaped, which is what I really want in a bootie, you know? Intensely, almost preternaturally perfect. These booties are the Ryan Gosling of footwear. Like HOW could anything be that perfect?

4.) Rachel Comey Contributor heels: TOTALLY sold out from Urban Outfitters (and yes, I realize I'm talking out of both sides of my mouth. I just cain't quit Urban Outfitters. SIGH. Stop stealing from indie designers but also STOP BEING TOTALLY BASICALLY IN MY WHEELHOUSE!) But the point is that a.) they were like $60, which is great because b.) I LOVE them, which is also great because c.) I really can't afford real Rachel Comey shoes. Super wearable kind of class-clownish oxfords. They're not totally unlike when

HOKAY. So, there you have it. My own personal little state of the SHOE-ion address. I hope you think it's... pretty cool! I really did happen to find myself foot-deep in all four pairs of those shoes at the same time tonight, and all but one pair was over $100. (Side note: I'm sure my husband will be pleased to discover that I've turned the living room into a shoe-seum.) And... wait... I had a point... you can totally have an entire shoe wardrobe that looks expensive without it actually being expensive at all. Set a limit or a bar -- you won't spend over X on an impulse shoe buy. Payless isn't the only place to shop for inexpensive shoes (though TRUST, I do love me some Shoe Source). Shop higher-end places (Shopbop, Saks, Bloomingdale's, whatever's higher-end to you and your budget), but just shop them on sale. Shop often, shop smart, and shop hard.

Where you put all those shoes, however, is your problem though.

Sick Glitter Heels For Just $73!

($73.18, Asos.com)

These glittery turquoise Maryjane stilettos are no Miu Miu glitter booties, but they're also not $900. Also, hat tip to the little peekaboo snakeskin print on the sole.

+ How to wear them: Colorblock with an orange or purple silky blouse, grey or black skinny jeans or a black maxi skirt.

See-Through Stylestalker Skater Dress? Sure. Why Not?

($233, Stylestalker, Asos.com)

Dear Mom,

Camp is great. You were right! I ended up making friends. I'll be ready to come home once summer's over I think though.

I have to tell you something though. I decided to start wearing see-through dresses (with a bra, of course). I won't wear it to Hebrew school, but everywhere else is fair game.

Love,

Your Daughter

PS: Send shaving cream and shoelaces.

Prada's Cavallino Bowler Is Doing Wild Things To My Head

I don't know who I think I am, but apparently I'm the kind of person who somehow, suddenly looks at Prada bags. Generally I write off Prada bags a.) because I can't afford them, DUHR, and b.) because I associate them with those terrible nylon black backpacks which are just the worst. But somehow I'm all into the idea of Prada's leopard-print Cavallino bowler.

($3,100, Prada, NeimanMarcus.com)

Great, right? Too bad I enjoy "eating," and "having an apartment" and "not being wildly in debt."

Anyway, my obnoxious Prada leopard-print bag fantasies inspired a major animal-print binge, which netted the following:

($585, Hammitt, Searlenyc.com)

Studs with animal print can be a leeeettle cowboy, but this bag by LA brand Hammitt still kinda works.

($745, Stella McCartney, Net-a-porter.com)

The elusive zebra-colored leopard print! Score!

($564, Opening Ceremony, Asos.com)

Opening Ceremony! Why are you so good to us? (And also, why are you so expensive?)

($158, Sam Edelman, Nordstrom)

Sam Edelman's Katrice wedge FTW! So '70s it's sick!

($80, Topshop)

I love an adventurous outfit, but have these leopard-print harem pants crossed the line from adventurous to crazy? Like Real Housewives table-flipping levels of nuts? Also, as much as I wanna make harem pants "work," I'm becoming increasingly convinced that they barely even look good on models whose body types are "pencil."

($36, Walmart)

Finally, this IS FashionBinge, where we do love a good deal, so far it be from me to leave you without something affordable. I mean, this Walmart leopard-print bag isn't the absolute worst. I'd carry it to the gym. Seriously, just tell people it's vintage deadstock, and they'll be all "ooh!"