2012: The Year Of Neon Green Heels

We're not even two days deep into 2012, but I can already foresee that neon green heels are going to be making repeated appearances on my feet this year. I've kinda got a sixth sense when it comes to neon.

$96.95, Jeffrey Campbell, Karmaloop.com

 I love the irony of the orthopedic shoe taken to sky-high, candy-coated extremes.

$69.99, Fergie, Famous Footwear

These Fergie heels are more Slimer green than fluorescent, and I really have no problem with that.

$1325, Christopher Kane, Saks

Guh. Gutted. #dead at these Christopher Kane patent leather retro slingbacks.

$581, Joanne Stoker. Notjustalabel.com

Even #deader at these see-through citrus heels by British designer Joanne Stoker.

State Of The Shoe-ion Address... Or: WHY I HAVE FOUR TOTALLY DISSIMILAR BUT TOTALLY AFFORDABLE PAIRS OF SHOES ON MY LIVING ROOM FLOOR

You guys. I'm a simple woman with simple needs: quite simply, I need a LOT of shoes. Fortunately, I don't have expensive taste in shoes. They just have to be cute and possibly even a little absurd. As you can imagine, this has manifested itself in a problem that enjoys overwhelming volume but an alarming lack of consistency: since I rarely spend over $100 on a pair of shoes (a lot of my shoes are barely $50), I've amassed a huge shoe collection that makes about as much sense as your typical Lady Gaga video -- fun to look at it, but let's not kid ourselves. Like the "Born This Way" video, if you looked at my entire shoe collection, you'd leave like "well, that was kinda cool to look at for a few minutes but... I don't get it. Which is how I found myself in my living room tonight, surrounded by the four pairs of totally dissimilar shoes featured above.

Let's go from left to right.

1.) ASOS Superstar Tapestry Heels ($78.57): Dudes. These are FLORAL TAPESTRY heels with A GOLD STUDDED TOE. It's the mullet of shoes. Party in the toe... business in the back? Eh? Anyway, they're increds. Except I DO call bullshit since they were on sale when I bought them and now they're mysteriously not on sale. Ahhhh capitalism, you crazy scoundrel you!

2.) Jeffrey Campbell Downtown booties (no longer available): I bought these on a trip to Need Supply when I was visiting my sister in Richmond last year. Real quick: hat tip to Need Supply. They're like an indie Urban Outfitters, except they don't steal people's designs. Anyway, they were on sale for $49 from $130. That's called usin' your noodle. OH, and they're SO comfortable. I walked about a MILE out of my way lost en route to a VH1 taping yesterday, so I learned this the hard way. (The hard way that comes from not giving a shit about reading maps!) Seriously, these shoes are like crack. Or Pinkberry. Straight men fall out of their cubicles to ask me about them. My only regret is not buying the orange ones when I had the chance. Man, hindsight. She's such the little fucker!

3.) Matisse Nugent booties ($193) : The nice people who do Matisse's PR reached out and sent me these, and the second I opened the box and took in the holy sight that is their Nugent bootie, this was pretty much my reaction:




Like Cup Stacking Girl, I too achieved something great! SHOE NIRVANA (shirvana?) These booties aren't just ANIMAL print. They're DALMATIAN print. (Not real dalmatians, obviously! They're IMITATION DALMATIAN. From the NATION of faux DALMATIAN.) And they're so perfectly '70s Marc Bolan shaped, which is what I really want in a bootie, you know? Intensely, almost preternaturally perfect. These booties are the Ryan Gosling of footwear. Like HOW could anything be that perfect?

4.) Rachel Comey Contributor heels: TOTALLY sold out from Urban Outfitters (and yes, I realize I'm talking out of both sides of my mouth. I just cain't quit Urban Outfitters. SIGH. Stop stealing from indie designers but also STOP BEING TOTALLY BASICALLY IN MY WHEELHOUSE!) But the point is that a.) they were like $60, which is great because b.) I LOVE them, which is also great because c.) I really can't afford real Rachel Comey shoes. Super wearable kind of class-clownish oxfords. They're not totally unlike when

HOKAY. So, there you have it. My own personal little state of the SHOE-ion address. I hope you think it's... pretty cool! I really did happen to find myself foot-deep in all four pairs of those shoes at the same time tonight, and all but one pair was over $100. (Side note: I'm sure my husband will be pleased to discover that I've turned the living room into a shoe-seum.) And... wait... I had a point... you can totally have an entire shoe wardrobe that looks expensive without it actually being expensive at all. Set a limit or a bar -- you won't spend over X on an impulse shoe buy. Payless isn't the only place to shop for inexpensive shoes (though TRUST, I do love me some Shoe Source). Shop higher-end places (Shopbop, Saks, Bloomingdale's, whatever's higher-end to you and your budget), but just shop them on sale. Shop often, shop smart, and shop hard.

Where you put all those shoes, however, is your problem though.

Jeffrey Campbell's Lita Heels: NOW TOTALLY SPIKED

$188, Jeffrey Campbell, FredFlare.com

Jeffrey Campbell Lita heels, now TOTALLY SPIKED. For her pleasure. In the words of that great poet, Kanye West, "That's right put in work, move your ass, go berserk."

When you're done ordering the cat tapestry Lita heels, pre-order the spiked heels at FredFlare.com.

And SPEAKING OF Fred Flare, CONGRATULATIONS to Fred Flare founders/ owners Keith and Chris, who just got married earlier this month. I profiled them in 2008, Fred Flare store first opened, and they're truly two of the most genuine, generous, hardworking individuals I've ever met. Their store -- and their all-things-cute-all-the-time mantra are so joyfully cheerful and refreshing. So go indie, and shop Fred Flare! These guys deserve your support.

Jeffrey Campbell's Cat Tapestry Lita Heels: THERE ARE NO WORDS!

$150, Jeffrey Campbell, Plumforpollyapparel.com

There are no words, and yet... there are SO many things to think and say about Jeffrey Campbell's Lita CAT TAPESTRY heel. And the first one begins with "meow." The next? "WHO WILL BUY ME THESE"???? It's as if, unbeknownst to me, someone from Team Jeffrey Campbell took a scan of my brain, saw that my thoughts primarily consist of shoes, cats, and kitschy things, and the resulting cat shoe was born. VOILA!

As my friend @sarahfromthewww said, they're totally KITTEN HEELS. Get it? 

Jeffrey Cambell's Lita Shag Heel Looks Like A Wookie

$119, Jeffrey Campbell, Solestruck.com

Oh Jeffrey Campbell. Where does reason stop and pure fuckery begin? Actually, I don't wanna know. Keep doing stuff like these Shag heels. They're the perfect shoe to wear with my Brian Lichtenberg terror skirt.

Also? You have a shoe named Meow? All is forgiven.

$109, Jeffrey Campbell, Solestruck.com

Jeffrey Campbell's Lita Cosmic Heels Are Just Like... I Can't.

159.95, Jeffrey Campbell, Solestruck.com

You know how Orville Redenbacher inspired everyone to do one thing and do it well, even if it's popcorn or blogging? Jeffrey Campbell's honed in that one thing, and that's their INSANELY high-heeled Lita shoe. (I think they're approximately eight feet off the ground, which is great, because I'm barely five feet off the ground myself.) They have the design down to a science, and now they're tricking out the styles, patterns and colors to a truly truly truly outrageous extent. Seriously, there are about 40 different Lita styles alone. And the one I'm truly pining for are the Cosmics, which are a starry, celestial pattern. And I LOVE a celestial print -- refer, won't you, to my love affair with Risto Bimbiloski and Helmut Lang's trippy Heathen prints.

This is where stargazing meets shoegazing, people.

10 Patriotic Ways To Make 4th Of July Fashion Not Mad Cheesy

Look, I'm WAY Team America, totally glad I live here and have freedoms that while, YES could certainly use some work *COUGH COUGH UNIVERSAL HEALTH CASE AND FEDERALLY SANCTIONED GAY MARRIAGE COUUUUUUUUUUUUGH* are still pretty effing great. Trust me, there are worse places we could live in this world. I don't take that for granted. THAT SAID, I find red white and blue stuff kinda cheesy. It's one thing to see a child adorably dressed in a cotton ball beard and a 10-gallon hat with stars on it. It's another to see a full-grown, full-blown adult in an oversized flag tee and drawstring jersey shorts in red. There are so many ways to do patriotic fashion in a cute, unscreaming way. Here are ten of them!

$104, Motel, FredFlare.com

I love the idea of celebrating our nation's independence with stripes that AREN'T red, white, and/or blue and instead borrowing from the punk aesthetic of black and white stripes.

$25.99, Glamour Kills

A men's t-shirt that says "United States Of Awesome"? Cheesy? Yeah, sure. But so are bald eagles.

$85, Sperry, Delias.com

 True, florals aren't necessarily patriotic, but we have plenty of flowers here in America, right, so... why not?

$184, Corey Lynn Calter

If you are going to red, white and blue, this is totally the way to do it -- mismatched but totally complementary patterns. And isn't that JUST an apt metaphor for the American melting pot? Mismatched yet adorable? Awwww. See what I did there?

$290, Isabel Marant, Farfetch.com

Again, this black Isabel Marant Rika blouse with tiny little baby white embroidered stars is an amazing take on otherwise cheese-coated stars and stripes. See? Stars for cool grownups!

$140, Emily Elizabeth Jewelry

An olde-tymey star necklace on a grosgrain ribbon is kinda pretty perfect any day of the year. But you know... especially July 4th. And you can customize the ribbon color you want. I'm kinda into the beige. The Emily Elizabeth star ring is rull cute too.

$135, Milly, BergdorfGoodman.com

I love how '80s this navy and rhinestone knotted nautical Milly necklace is. I love with, say, a fitted black blazer, white tee and some cutoffs.

$34.99, Lands End Canvas

Lands End generously sent me a cotton top, and seriously their basics are incredibly comfortable, versatile and well-priced. I don't own this striped rope-belted dress, but I'd wear it in a red hot and blue minute.

$119, Jeffrey Campbell, Solestruck.com

Jeffrey Campbell is smoking crack. I mean that in the BEST way possible. It's like every week they roll out some new shoes that are five to seven times more batshit than the last ones. I wouldn't personally wear these Stars And Stripes El Carmen Maryjanes but only because I'd break an ankle. I own a pair of seashell-covered shoes, so tacky is clearly not an issue.

$14.95 for a pack of 3, Violent Lips

... And SPEAKING of tacky, these are Violent Lips, which are lip tattoos. I was sent a few packs, and, thinking they were some kind of sticker, I barely read the instructions and haphazardly slapped them on. I think enough all day at work. I'm kind of "off the clock" as thinking goes when I get home at 10 o'clock at night. The point is, had I taken four seconds to READ the instructions, I would've known that these are like REAL temporary tattoos, and not stickers. They REALLY stay on. For up to eight hours. That's business time. Anyway, I slapped them on totally incorrectly, failing to read the part about WAITING FIVE MINUTES FOR THEM TO DRY. So, they were like, half smeared on, half hanging off, and pulling them off my lips was like pulling a Band-Aid off my lips... if that Band-Aid were made of DUCT TAPE! YEEEOWCH. Total drama over here in Brooklyn. Anyway, after a vigorous scrubbing with my toothbrush and scrubbing with makeup remover, (and removing the sticky bits from my TEETH) everything over here is back to normal. So, if you KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING and do it right -- because basically, I did EVERYTHING wrong -- Violent Lips are SUPER cool. Especially if you have around eight hours to wear lip tats somewhere. I neither knew what I was doing nor did it right. But, hey. This is America. We're still learning.

God bless us, everyone!

Um, These Are The Bowie-est Boots I've Ever Seen In My Life

($163, Jeffrey Campbell, Modcloth.com)

I mean...

Just when you didn't realize you needed silver glitter wedge booties, you realize you only didn't realize you needed them because you didn't realize they existed. See what I mean here? And FINALLY they do. And you don't have to get them by renting a time machine and hoping to land in David Bowie's shoe trunk somewhere in the '70s ,between The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars and Diamond Dogs. Or... if you were born after 1990, one of the many tractor-trailers that transports Lady Gaga's footwear on tour. Sigh. Kids today. They'll never know. They'll. Never. Know! Will they?? WILL they?? They won't. They won't know.

+ Where Gaga got it...

Blue Boots Are The New Black Boots

The other morning on the train to work, I had a little epiphany. No, not that the train smelled like piss -- oh, believe me though, it certainly did. I realized that this spring, or whenever I can finally stop wearing my winter boots every day like I have for the past financial quarter or whatever, I'm going to be investing in a pair of blue boots and wear them where and when I'd usually wear black boots. It's all about getting the blue right, though. I'm thinking navy, but then I saw these Jeffrey Cambpell "Lita" boots. True blue.

($155, Jeffrey Campbell, Bonadrag.com)

I Bought It: Jeffrey Campbell Downtown Booties

While visiting my sister in Richmond this past weekend, I made my regularly scheduled trip to Need Supply Company, which is one of my favorite stores in all of Virginia.

Like Peter Gabriel, I was big time into this very '80s David David top:

($82, David David, Needsupply.com)

... Yet I'm in no place to plunk down $82 for a t-shirt, regardless of how loudly it was calling my name. And believe me, it was loud.

So I hit up their shoe selection, which has never disappointed. Even my notoriously picky husband found a cool pair. But of course, I was the one who pulled the trigger and fired a Binge bullet in the form of these Jeffrey Campbell "Downtown" platform booties in tie-dyed blue suede:

($49.99 Jeffrey Campbell, Needsupply.com)

They were on major rager sale, ringing up at just $49, down from $130. Yeah, me! Thanks, Need! And they look SIIIIIIICK on. In the strange parlance of Mariah Carey, they're totally hot tamale. If these heels were a video, they'd be Kings Of Leon's "Sex On Fire."

Freak nasty, right? Enjoy that AND a subsequent cold shower!

Kings Of Leon - New Music - More Music Videos

Jeffrey Campbell, Who Let This Happen?

Look, I enjoy a gladiator wedge as much as the next girl, but I've got my limits. Unlike Jeffrey Campbell, who clearly has none. Khaki cloth? Cheeze-say 1990s silver cowboy buckles? There are just no words.

($210, Jeffrey Campbell, Stylebop.com)

Clogs: Yay or Nay?

True story: The only pair of Dr. Scholl's "original wood exercise sandal" or whatever I owned lasted me approximately four hours. That's how long it took me to hobble to work, feverishly working my toe-grip muscles to unsuccessfully attempt to keep the damn things on my feet, look casual-cute at my desk for a few hours, and finally fall out of them on W. 53rd Street at lunch. Those things are the devil in shoe form. So unassuming-looking, and yet IMPOSSIBLE to walk in. For me, anyway. I'm guessing that wooden shoes + mules = no go, even several years later, but oh how I wish I could rock some of this spring's luxed-up clogs. Hippies never looked so good, people! Here are a few of my favorite clunkers:





Swedish Hasbeens are SO NOW (hardie har har)! Four-inch heels, people. This is the Braided Sky-High model in sweet pale pink, $242 with shipping from Sweden.







Swedish Hasbeens peep-toes, $219 with shipping. Love these!







The Jeffrey Campbell "Charli" clog, $126. This is a really luxe-looking clog. And yet it's five whole inches of heel, slightly mitigated by a one-inch platform. I can only imagine myself attempting to walk down to my work cafeteria, nevermind five blocks to the subway. Danger! Danger! It's stunning in black, and I love that you can move the strap to make it a slingback.







Funkis closed-toe clogs, $149. These are handmade in Sweden AND have staples holding them together, so you know they're authentic (right?).







No. 6 clog boots were all the rage this winter, at least here in New York. Their clogs are custom-made for you and come in a slew of colors and several styles. This is a T-strap for $230.







If I were to join the cult of clogs, I might just go for Maguba's DIY option: design it yourself! I just can't figure out what color combo I would get...purple and black? Purple and yellow? Black and yellow? So many options!

















Maguba "Barcelona" clogs, $141.



If actual clogs are just too scary for you, there are a whole bunch of clog-inspired sandals out there. A few studs in the right spot, and bam! Hot semi-cloggy action.





Nine West "Eddisha" sandals, $79.







Miz Mooz "Hazel" sandals, $99.95.







And another: Kensie Girl "Taylor" sandals, $63.







Finally, these are on eBay and only applicable to size 7.5s, but, just, wow. Sigerson Morrison clogs, a Buy It Now steal at $105.99. Such a uniquely feminine (yet still cloggy) take on the style.



Happy stomping!

Never Enough NUDES!

I am so with Tamar on this insatiable need for cream-colored footwear. However, I could give two craps about classic simple pumps and need a little more embellishment. Like so:


Jeffrey Campbell bow-back heel, $128. THAT BOW!



Faryl Robinson Madison wedge, $228. I could see myself wearing these a LOT.



Jeffrey Campbell Buttons peep-toe pumps, $96. Cute as a...yeah.



Vivienne Westwood by Melissa Anglomania Lady Dragon Ball matte pump, $150. With the rubber-stamp! On the rubber shoe!