These Maison Martin Margiela Black Crinkle Booties Are Making Me Cry

($995, Maison Martin Margiela, SSense.com)

These Maison Martin Margiela crinkly slouchy black leather stiletto booties are just about making me weep at the potential. They're also probably so uncomfortable that I'd be weeping at the pain. Sigh. So beautiful. Truly, these are the boots of my despair. Take it away, Patsy!

Designer Vs. Discount: Black Lace Top

($827, Markus Lupfer, Luisaviaroma.com)

See, this Markus Lupfer black lace top with an ooh-ahh inducing exposed zipper is an ooh-ahh-inducing $827! BOO!

Meanwhile, this BB Dakota black lace top...

($70, BB Dakota, Piperlime.com)

... JUST $70! YAY! You save $757! BOOM!

It Happened At Topshop!

SHARK ATTACK AT TOPSHOP! Not a real shark, of course, but I was all "OMFG! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE when I saw what could only charitably be referred to as a "schmatte," to use the Yiddish colloquialism. This hyperbolically long graffiti-print maxi dress basically looks like someone stitched a bath sheet together and called it a dress.

It's actually from Topshop's Unique Spring 2010 collection, and while the maxi dress is batshit, I am kinda sad I missed the boat on this nesh shark wrap dress. Oh well. You snooze you lose.

Beauty For Real Makes My Favorite New Lip Gloss... For Real

Well, that's a lie. My all-time favorite lip gloss is MAC's "Squeeze It" from the 2008 Fafi collection (RIP!). But that was two years, probably 300 collections, and one sad-faced, scraped-dry tube ago. I haven't found a gloss I loved as much as MAC's "Squeeze It," but Beauty For Real's "Turned On" is a close second, if not a tie for first.

"Turned On" is my EXACT lip color -- a rosy mauve with hints of plum -- but better and with brilliant depth and dimension. PLUS it's got a subtle minty fresh tingle that cools and refreshes AND the applicator has a light inside, which complements the little mirror on the tube, so you can put it on (which I've been doing so often it's almost gone) in dim, date-night light situations. (Said mirror is also perfect for covert potential-crap-in-teeth checkings -- stuff in my teeth is my biggest social phobia.) It's perfect as a stand-alone gloss or, since it's basically an enhanced neutral, it's works perfectly over a matte lipstick. Oh, and there's zero tackiness, which means your mouth won't become a hair magnet. Because that's disgusting.

Beauty For Real was founded by Leslie Munsell, a makeup artist and former color cos­met­ics creator for Aveda. She's also, clearly, a genius.

(Credit: Beautyforreal.com)

Check out Beauty For Real's nine shades of lip gloss -- if your lips aren't made even more perfect by one of these shades, then there's probably just no hope for you. (Just kidding! There's probably hope for you!)

Me + Beauty For Real = Really Into It

Oscar Blandi Raffinata Straightening Balm = Straight-Up Perfect

($19, Oscar Blandi, Sephora.com)

UPDATE: I'm using this on my curls now, and it actually works AMAZINGLY well as a smoother and defrizzer. I mixed it with my gel and applied (liberally) when my hair was still wet, and seriously, my hair looks better than it has in weeks.

I have had THREE hair cuts in the past month and FOUR blowouts (I have thick, curly hair that frizzes as though it were getting paid to do so) in the past 10 days (there's obviously a story there), and I've tried a handful of straightening products that just didn't deliver. Which is so not the case, however, with Oscar Blandi's Raffinata Straightening Balm. It's designed to minimize blowdrying time, but since, um, I've had my share of the blowdryer, I tried it out to see if it'd maintain and revive my blowout. Oscar Blandi and his unparalelled Straightening Balm instantly annihilated my frizz (and it's about 17,000 degrees in the shade here in New York right now), and smoothed out my layers without weighing them down or making them greasy, sticky, or too slick. My hair looked thick and wavy but polished. You only need a small dab of the cream-based product to achieve near-magical results. And it smells fresh and clean, like shea butter. Sold.

HUZZAH! Rachel Comey Pre-Fall Booties!

Ooh YAY! Direct your attention, will you, to Rachel Comey's Pre-Fall (isn't that the same thing as late-summer?) clunky, chunky heeled booties.

($335, Rachel Comey, Neimanmarcus.com)

Extra special hearts go to the double buckle motorcycle-inspired Barbaro. Order them (for me) now at Neiman Marcus.

Ann-Sofie Back For Cheap Monday = Oh Lord.

I TRULY love Cheap Monday -- they make edgy and affordable staples. But their Ann-Sofie Back collection is like bad on top of bad.

($65, Ann-Sofie Back for Cheap Monday, Alexandchloe.com)

($85, Ann-Sofie Back for Cheap Monday, Alexandchloe.com)

These destroyed jeans are perfect for your community theater's re-imagining of Grease set in the post-Apocalypse.

($60, Ann-Sofie Back for Cheap Monday, Alexandchloe.com)

And this Duct tape dress just pains me. PLEASE just save up and get the Alexander Wang cut-out leather sweatshirt dress! It's on sale!

($437.50, Alexander Wang, Net-a-Porter.com)

Now please go watch Robyn wear hers in her "Dancing On My Own" video.

Robyn - New Music - More Music Videos

American Apparel Basically Stole Naked Porn Towels From Me!

Um, clearly Dov Charney and the kindly fellas over at the succinctly named Butt Magazine have been reading FashionBinge, because they CLEARLY stole my porn towel idea!

Okay, it wasn't my idea, but I do get credit for scouting these amazing towels, featuring a Unabomber/ Michael Jackson Goes To The White House dude in Aviators and half-unbuttoned cut-off jeans shorts! The difference? Mine were like $3 at Conway. Sure, they turned into a matted bunch of cottony pills when I washed them, but still! It was $3 well spent!

My Conway towels: $3

American Apparel's Butt Mag towels: $45!

Stuart Weitzman Goes Alaia For Fall 2010

Well, not really, but pretty much.

($675, Stuart Weitzman)

Stuart Weitzman's Fall 2010 black leather over-the-knee combat boots are practically stamped with Alaia. Right, Naomi?

(Via Pop Magazine)

... But watch out, or she'll throw something in your eye.

Epic Barbra Streisand Photos

Sometimes when I feel like looking up awesome photos, I Google photos of Barbra Streisand from the 1960s and 1970s. She did every fashion fad BIG TIME, from demure princess evening gowns to flat-out Valley Of The Dolls shit. And don't even get me started on her '80s looks.

Look how tan and fit she was!

She even had a grunge/ bank robber look!

But THIS! This has to be the most wackadoo photo of Barbra Streisand EVAR:
So, apparently the backstory was High Society magazine, which was neither High nor Society, published a photo of Babs' boob. Babs sued and won. I would imagine Barbra Streisand has excellent legal assist.

Anyway, the High Society cover was ripped from a still of her in "What's Up Doc."

And CHECK OUT THAT OUTFIT. Amazing. I beseech you. Does loungewear get better than this? No.

Eee! An Adorable Shoe Named After A Kitten!

What's cuter than this cut-out batik print Oxford Boxing Kitten/ Osborn collaboration? That's a Brooklyn designer mash-up BTW!

($180, Boxing Kitten)

Only this kitten wearing a hat:

(Via BeautyBloggingJunkie and Courtney John)

Boxing Kitten and Osborn's limited-edition "Cheeky" shoe (only 50 pairs were made, and each pair is numbered) is made from 100% recycled tires. The kitten is made of miracles.

And PS: Check out Boxing Kitten's Tam Tam batik sweetheart party dress, which I like to think was subconsciously inspired by and named after me:

($315, Atomic Kitten)

PPS: Also, what's not to love about Osborn's Mayan print boots:

($130, Osborn. shoposborndesign.com)

I could see myself living in these for about 14 months straight.

Supercute Kate Spade Stuff on Big-Ass Sale

Not usually a fan of the brand, but hoooo boy these prints are TEMPTING.


Kate Spade Saltwater Taffy Avery blouse, $119. So sweet it's killing me.



Kate Spade Jet Setter Print Darla dress, $142. It has film and binoculars on it!



Kate Spade Pass the Shades Avery dress, $177. SUNGLASSES!

Check out the rest of the stuff available at their online sample sale.

Shelley's Of London's Pretty-Weird-Ugly Shoes

($99, Shellys Of London, Modcloth.com)

These cut-out marbleized lace-up heels are so completely weird they're almost pretty. They're the Jeff Goldblum of shoes.

Nobody Does A Bikini Better Than Mara Hoffman

($170, Mara Hoffman, Shopbop.com)

I need a bikini like I need... I don't know. A pair of pink Uggs or something. I will probably never see the water this summer, which I'll be spending under the fluorescent lights of my office. Just like I spent the past 10 summers! But if I were in the market for a bikini, nobody does it better than Mara Hoffman. Right, Carly Simon? Baby you're the best.

Oh No They Didn't!

Oh yes, they did. Toms had a perfectly good, supercute in fact, basic canvas shoe. It's perfect for summer, easy to slip on with dresses or shorts or pretty much any weekend wear. And yet they HAD to go and mess with it!


Tom's Yello Calypso canvas wedge, $69. This is basically a new version of the sneaker pump: Never a good idea! Not to mention the average Toms fan is just not going to be down with this. Comfort is key. And does this mean poor children get a free pair of wedges for every one you buy? I sure hope not.

Even though I only own the silver glitter version, my pick is still the classic, preferably in a dark color.


Tom's Ash Canvas Classic, $44.

This Bow Necklace Is NOT Subtle

The bow necklace trend is cute and innocuous enough. But as in life, drinking, and accessorizing, one needs limits.

($28, Claire Fong, Lulus.com)

This just looks like you killed Minnie Mouse and mounted your prey.

Payless Is Just Kidding About These, Right?

I have nothing at all against Payless. Not one thing. They do some great stuff at obviously affordable prices. And I loved their Christian Siriano line as well as Abaete. You need that ONE pair of shoes to match that ONE dress you'll wear to someone's rehearsal dinner and then never wear again? BOOM. Payless. But everyone slips up and makes a mistake once in a while, right? Like, surely these hein-dog silver "hooded" wedges are just a mean joke. A prank, right?

($24.99, Fioni, Payless.com)

Remember, kids. Everyone makes mistakes!

Westward Ho!

In preparation (for the preparation for) a hiking trip to Yosemite this August (so excited!), today I went to EMS and enlisted the services of a soft-spoken, rugged-looking man in the style of Mark Ruffalo wearing a large straw hat. This is the least glamorous outfit I've ever purchased:


EMS cargo zip-off pants, $49. They sit at the WAIST: the horror!


Smartwool socks, $19.95.



Keen Targhee II Mid hiking boots, $124.95 at EMS. Of course, then I came home and bought 'em online for $88.99, for a savings of, oh, about two and a half more pairs of socks.

Now, anyone got any tips on hikes within an hour or two of NYC so I can try these babies out?

Lace Tees and Other Pretty Little Things

Why do I suddenly want a black lace T-shirt? Seriously, why? I have no clue what I'd wear it with. I'm not the Material Girl. Or even Rihanna. So why do I have this bizarre urge? I actually almost bought this today, and then came to my senses.*


Victoria's Secret scoop-neck lace tee, $19.99. I mean, what am I gonna wear that with? I have no idea. I think I got this bee in my bonnet after days of walking by my local American Apparel store, which I have privately (and now publicly!) vowed to boycott after years of being thoroughly disgusted with their ads. It hasn't really been tough to avoid stepping in there until recently...



...when I spied this cute lace top paired with a circle chambray skirt. American Apparel leaf flower lace tee, $38.

But: boycott. Instead: vintage!


Lace fringe scrimmage top, $28, from a cute new San Francisco–based vintage shop run by a couple of stylist/bloggers called American Apocalypse. I bought it: sorry kids!


Someone should definitely buy this Polka-dot two-piece, $100, though. It's not lace but it is RAD. Even radder if you chopped off the skirt.

*I did buy the following:


Square-neck top, $19.99.


Racerback snakeprint tank, $14.99.

Must. Stop. Shopping. And yet, on this fine summer Friday, I have set for myself a mission: hiking boots! Oh yes! We're going to Yosemite in August, and I need some appropriate footwear. Here's hoping I find something even mildly cute.